i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
