I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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