Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You can't special order awesome
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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