Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
