Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
