Me too!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize