I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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