god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My balls are so social today.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
