I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
