My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
