Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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