fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
