So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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