I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
