If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
