Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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