Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
