That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
