He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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