I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
