In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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