drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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