pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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