LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
