It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
