I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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