I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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