Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
