I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
do herpes really smell.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
