This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
