A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
