So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
