$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
