the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
