This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
