You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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