The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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