at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize