Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
