So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize