I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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