I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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