careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
