note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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