Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
