My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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