I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We are two peas in an std pod
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I want to be your penis for a week.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize