i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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