Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Even my vagina gasped.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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