Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
