6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
