I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
