On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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