Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize