Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
