I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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