mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
