do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
