when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
