Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
