It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
