WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
