he wants to bone in the snuggie
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
