So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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