I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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