So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
should my penis look like a turkey
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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