I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
