I got chris browned last night
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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