he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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