you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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