and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
