I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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