found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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